a life of broken glass

A fallen leaf, a frozen ground, and the icy wind are all that’s left as I stand in the rain
You’ve left me here again, you’ve left me here alone
But it isn’t the loneliness that worries me, no, not that. That’s a feeling I know.
A feeling I call my own.
What worries me is what’s wrong with me, and what’s wrong with me is worry
A vicious circle with a deadly end.
I’m never good enough, never strong enough, never proud enough
Not for you.
Not for them.
Not even for myself.
Our home is broken, you’ve made this quite clear
The dirty dishes inside on the counter are a mirror image of the life we live.
Or, rather, the life we once lived.
Nothing clean, not your heart not mine.
I don’t want to see them, not today, not ever.
I think I’ll stay here
And let the tears of the sky fall over me
The clouds are crying,
They’re crying for you
Whether the tears are happy or not, I’ll never know
They’re crying for me
They’ll wash me clean.

the way your hand fit mine.

It’s been a year since I’ve seen you but I’m proud to announce,
I’ve started to move on, I even stopped thinking of you when I heard your favorite song
Though I think you were always there, in the back of my mind
(because I always skip it anyway)
I didn’t think it was possible, I didn’t want it to be either
I didn’t want you gone, but I don’t think I had the choice.
That day I left you, you have to know, it hurt me too
(I just couldn’t let you see)
That day I saw you again, sitting on the park bench alone,
So much came back to me, so much I didn’t want to remember
Like the way your eyes would shine when you’d smile
(and the way your hand fit mine)
It’s hard to think that I was always wrong, and never right
I just thought for once maybe I could be, maybe I’d be alright
I started thinking highly of myself, & I thought I was strong
(until I heard your voice again)

all that binds me to you

it's the dead of night and i'm still awake
the dream of tomorrow quickly becoming my nightmare for today
my mind won't stop, it's out of control,
searching for something and holding on tight
to the idea of what could have been
what should have been.

as if these walls weren't stained enough

Our palms are sweating and I feel you sigh
As you push the hair from my eyes
With a soft touch I rarely know
And in the afterglow of what has just happened
I begin to forget what made me want to let go
Was it the way you could disappear,
As if you wanted to leave?
Or the way you look at her,
As if she’s someone you want me to be
Perhaps the way you’d yell those words,
As if your fist doesn’t hurt me enough.
Yet here in this moment alone with you,
None of this comes to mind
And I can act as if we’re happy again
So if you would, please do me a favor
Draw a smile on my heart,
With paint so thick it’ll never wash clean
So that even when it hurts,
The pain they’ll never see